Jordan H. Manigo

Journal

 

Journal // Entry Number Two — The Trouble With Visiting Middle Earth (as a working adult)

You don't just watch The Lord of The Rings, you spend quality time with it. You can't just up and decide you're going to immerse yourself in this kind of experience, all willy nilly out of the blue, especially if you paid a hundred bucks for the extended, four hour per movie edition, like I did...like an ass. You've got to plan it, like a vacation, a really expensive one.


Matt Ferguson

Matt Ferguson


If you are a college student, particularly one who survives off refund checks and parental care packages, attempting to watch The Lord of The Rings trilogy in its entirety is a breeze. The weekends are wide open to you. Buy a bunch of snacks, sugared drinks, some Ibuprofen, and go nuts. Luckily, The Lord of The Rings is an institution that is deeply imbedded within popular culture, so if you have some semblance of a social life, it will remain in tact. Your friends will understand; the trilogy is rather awesome. However, you will need to prepare yourself to turn down any and all summons to clubs, house parties, general get togethers and invitations to get laid, as you won't have any time for such frivolous pleasures while following Frodo Baggins and The Fellowship on their perilous journey into Mordor...THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!


”You can't just up and decide you're going to visit Middle Earth; that's rich people people shit.”


However for the rest of us who work forty plus hours a week, we will have to take time off from these insufferable little appendages called, jobs. And you only get like, one week's worth of vacation time for the whole year, and or a handful of sick days, so you gotta be tactful; you can't waste them. You can imagine no blue collar worker comes home from a nine hour shift and thinks, "Hey, self, let's just kick back for a couple of days and watch television!" You can't just up and decide you're going visit Middle Earth, that's rich people shit. If you have small children, you might want to get a good babysitter, or pawn them off to your lonely parents, or devise some type of indefinite distraction, because despite the inherent whimsy of magical little people, their fantastical goings on will probably not hold the attention of a toddler for twelve hours. This does not include the time you will need to take power naps, bathroom breaks and emergency snack runs. You can't feed the little bastards, change diapers AND watch The Battle of Helm's Deep at the same time; you'll miss all the good stuff!!!

 Honestly, you mine-as-well book a flight to Martha's Vineyard and do something worth the precious time you're waisting. Anything less than well coordinated travel arrangements and verified time off the job will probably result in you being fired, because I mean, a person who shucks their financial responsibilities to play World of Warcraft for a couple of days doesn't deserve a paycheck, and neither do you.